Sloctopus?

September 26, 2018

Hola Bitcholas,

Every-so-often, our head writer, Jolly Joe (so-called because of his oddly green-hued complexion...not because of his disposition) will lift himself from his Tide Pod induced haze and reach out to us with something useful. Today was not one of those days.

However, that didn't prevent us travelling down an unnecessary worm-hole of 'not important'.  

The following are selected lines from our email correspondence before the show:

 

JOLLY JOE:  "Steve,

I'm sure you've already seen this, but if not….

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/a-seal-slapped-a-man-in-the-face-with-an-octopus-because-nature-never-stops-surprising/ar-AAAFZTs?ocid=spartandhp​

ME:  "​Bitch had it coming!​"

JOLLY JOE:  "I agree. If those dumb asses are going to keep sea-kayaking, what the f**k do they expect? Dude got seal slapped!!​"

(then the worm hole of 'not important' appeared)

ME:  "Is it seal-slapped' or 'octo-slapped'? The seal delivered the blow but the octopus made contact. It's like 'pistol-whipping'...the pistol isn't responsible for the smack.​"

JOLLY JOE:  "Good question. I would say he got octo-slapped. ​It's not a "chicken and the egg thing", it's a "seal and the octopus' thing."

​ME:  "​It's a 'sealoctopus'...pronounced SLOK-topus. That should be the term for 'someone who uses any foreign object to make contact with someone else's face';  "sealoctopus with a baseball ball bat...sealoctopus with a frying pan...a penis, etc."  ​

​JOLLY JOE:  "."Slok-topus". I like that. We should start calling people that.....​"

(end of correspondence)

 

And so shall it be. It makes sense to us. "Sealoctopus" seems like a tidy little term to describe any number of people doing, well, what people so often do. Headlines could just say: "Sealoctopused with a sausage in Hawaii". You'd know all you need to know.  

That's not ALL we talked about. Other things may or may not have come up, but just know that Jolly Joe ended our conversation with this friendly little nugget:

JOLLY JOE: "...you forgot to mention that when you're high on Colombian North slope trip-weed, you oftentimes crush up Cinnamon Toast Crunch and snort it, or add a little milk and inject it directly into your penis....while masturbating to octopus porn. Make sure you don't leave that out.​"

​I didn't leave it out. But I'll leave it with that.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!